Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize