That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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