have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
