Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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