My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
