You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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