i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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