Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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