ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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