I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
