I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i wish my penis had a tongue
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
