According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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