the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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