I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
