you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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