I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
