You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
