her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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