i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
