So drunk its hurt
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
