Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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