So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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