Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
false alarm. still invincible.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Randomize
