i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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