Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
