I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
