new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
