my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
