i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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