Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
