He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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