I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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