We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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