Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Houston, we have a blender
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
