dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
