fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
