I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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