Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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