Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
