fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
