Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
