tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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