My first STD was from a foam party
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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