just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think my mom watched the whole time
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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