I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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