i think my mom watched the whole time
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
