it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
