On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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