White coat. Heels.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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