I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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