you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
