that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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