Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i've created a new STD.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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