I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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