Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
