I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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