I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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