from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
