I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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