Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
