I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
this will be a night to untag.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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