you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
