It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
