my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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