Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize