what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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