god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize