You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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