the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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