don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
