Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
