Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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