new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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