awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
