I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
