I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
