please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
