Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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