if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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