Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
