Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
