when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
