I think my fart just growled at me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I want a musical about memes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
