Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
