I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i drank out of a bidet.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
