My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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